Spring of 1994, I remember it well. I was in so much pain that I hurt
from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I was hesitant to go to
the doctor because I was afraid I would once again be told that the pain
was "all in my head". You see, I had suffered with this pain off and on
as long as I can remember and each time I went to the doctor I heard the same refrain:
"it's all in your head".
I was even sent to a psychiatrist for evaluation. First, I was told I
was suffering from major depression. Later, I was told I had bi-polar
disorder. I was put on anti-depressants, but they did not help. Lithium
was the next prescription and again it did not help.
My doctor even
told me that I had one of the worst cases of bi-polar disorder that he
had ever seen because no medication would work for me.
I really
and truly believed that I was crazy - I was even acting like it thanks
to all that “medication”.
During that time, and until Dec. 2002, I never slept more than 2 hours at a time
and when I did manage to sleep I would wake up so often that I never felt rested.
I had sleep studies done twice while I lived in TN, and each time they showed some OSA, the first time
the doctor didn't recommend anything that I recall and the second time she, "the doctor" recommended I have surgery. I chose not to and didn't go back after that.
In 2002 and I had a third set of sleep studies done which showed I had severe OSA and was put on Cpap on Dec. 31, 2002 and it has improved my life immensley.
In 1987 I had to quit work. Of course, I thought I was crazy at this
time. I was on so many different psychotropic drugs that I literally
could not function. I am still unable to work, but it is not because I
am crazy --- it is due to the PAIN that I suffer each and every day.
Finally, later in 1994 I went to the doctor. But this time it was a
different doctor. I had to change family physicians due to a move by my
regular doctor plus my opthalmologist did not like some of the
medication being prescribed by my doctor so he recommended that I seek a
second opinion. The very first day that Dr. Michael Moore (Dr. Moore does not accept any new patients)
came into the
room and examined me he told me he thought that I had FIBROMYALGIA. I
had no idea what this was. I had never heard of it and since I worked in
the medical field it worried me. He gave me an article to read and told
me to come back the following week and we would discuss it more. This
would allow me time to read and became familiar with what was going on.
The results of some lab tests he wanted to repeat would also be back by
then. When I got home that day, I was still in pain, but I was elated
to think that I actually went to the doctor and was
not told it was all in my head. This was an answer to a prayer that I
had long forsaken. I can remember praying, “Lord, if it is cancer
that is OK - just let them find it and tell me.” I thought I could
then understand why I was having all this pain.
I still felt that I was crazy because I was still on the medications
that were affecting my body in such terrible ways. As time began to
pass I began to experience less and less depression. Dr. Moore allowed
me to go off the psychotropic medications a little at a time. Each time
I went off one I felt a little better about myself. I have now been
off all of the psychotropic medications for over 8 years and was off the
anti-depressant for a little over 6 years. I am still in pain,
but the great news is that the depression left me
when I found out what was causing the pain. Dr. Moore tells me that I
am an unusual case since most people would remain depressed just from
the pain alone. I can live with the pain as long as I limit my
activities and watch what I do. I occasionally will take a muscle
relaxer or a mild pain pill, but not very often.
I occasionally have a few "blue" days but can pinpoint what is causing them rather
quickly.
Update on anti-depressive medications. I went back on an anit-depressive drug in 2002, due to
family situations. My mother was chronically sick and suffered from COPD and almost died in June, my oldest sister
has cardiomyopathy and was in need of a heart transplant and my other sister got called back to the military in April, and in Sept.
my 81 year old father had a 4-wheeler accident and I became the care taker for everyone and really got stressed out.
I was only on the anti-depressive drug for a few months, but in 2005 my mother passed away
and I had to go back on an anti-depressive drug and remain on it at the present time. It has been a year now and I am sure the day
will come that I can once again go off the mediation. I at least hope it does.
I still do not trust my judgment when it comes to pain. I once
had an abscessed tooth but I was actually afraid to say that it hurt
because I just did not want to hear “it is all in your head”. Turned
out it WAS all in my head, my mouth to be exact, and the pain was very
much real! I often wonder if there will
ever come a time when I will trust my judgment as to pain being real or
not. I realize that as long as I have doctors that I have faith in,
and who listen and have faith in me, that this will not be a
problem. I am sure that both my family doctor, Dr. Michael Moore, located in Norton, VA and my
dentist,
Dr. Homer Fortney, understand why I am so reluctant to say I am in pain. I
am confident that should I ever tell them that I’m in pain and they do
not believe me --- they will tell me so.
I hope if anyone finds themselves in a similar situation to mine, they will
not wait to get a second opinion, and will seek out other medical advice
right away. My life was made miserable by an illness, but it was made
unbearable by a few un-caring physicians.
In Feb. 2004 I was dx'ed with Type 2 Diabetes and later with hypothyroidism, so I am on insulin for the diabetes and
Synthyroid for my thyroid, I have a few other medical problems, but they are of lesser importance than the ones mentioned here.
I have also changed family doctors, due to the fact that Dr. Moore is in Virginia and when my mother was sick it was just too long for me
to be away from home. I do still see him every once in a while, and I have upmost respect for him, but I am now seeing Dr. Jack W. Cope,
in Cumberland, Ky., he is great, but he does not focus on my FMS, his focus is on my diabetes and thyroid, although, we do sometimes
discuss the fact that I have FMS.
